Tiara Lestari's For Women Only


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

How to love yourself?


Two days ago I received an email from a new friend (lets call her YP) . She just visited my blog for the first time and have an important question for me. "How to make a woman love herself?".

She continued, "I feel so insecure...perhaps because my mum keeps pointing out my lacks. And I know, I shouldn't listen to her, just like my brother (and dad, and aunts, and boyfriend) asked me to...I don't feel I'm pretty. I'm quite tall, at least for Indonesian woman, but don't feel proud of it. I haven't succeed on looking at the best(s) of me (if I have one)".

YP, I don't have all the answers. I do know this, I personally must have a purpose in life to feel relevant. When I feel relevant, I like myself much better.

What is your purpose in life YP? It doesn't have to be big, but it has to be YOUR purpose. I remember the days where nothing is working for me. I wake up in the morning and just that.. wake up. Nothing else. I feel irrelevant in this world. How do one love herself when she feels irrelevant? Slowly my life change for the better. I found my purpose. I hold on to it. I commit. And I feel good about myself.

One more thing. I noticed in your email that you mentioned a boyfriend. Do you love him? Does he love you? If the answer is yes, it should help. Relationship is not like the movies.It is hard. You have to work on it. Making a relationship better is just one more thing to add in your list of "purposes". If a man stand in front of you with an eyes that said "I love you", he may know something that you don't about yourself. If another person can love you that much, isn't it easier to love yourself?

I don't know all the answers. But I hope you will find your purpose YP. We are here waiting for you to let us know someday!

Any suggestion for YP girls?

Tiara

PS: A special message to YP; sometimes the sexiest thing a woman can wear is a pair of pants! Especially if you are as tall as you say you are. I too wear pants more than I wear skirts. Start shopping girl. :) Second, try longer hair that covers part of your face for a balance look.

posted by TiaraLestari at 2:14 PM

9 Comments:

  • For me.. to love myself is quite easy. I learned that every single human is unique. My lacks will be my advantage, my differences is what made me exist, and having my own voice (just like what Tiara did with her blog) is a definite proove of your existance. Beauty is not a very important factor, for me. Because i really think that every single woman is beautiful with their own way.. ;) (over-confident me, i guess.. hahaha)

    I agree with the opinion of your environment about not to listen. Sometimes you just have to pick the right opinion for yourself. The most important thing in this life is happiness and the only person that can reach happiness is yourself. Not your mum. :D

    Cheers!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:28 AM  

  • YP.. Lucia is saying it better than I. To exist, one should go beyond just breathing everyday. Who you are, the purpose you find in your life is the basis for loving yourself. Find it. Hold on to it. And smile.

    Thanks Lucia.

    Tiara

    By Blogger TiaraLestari, at 2:52 PM  

  • Agree with Lucia. And if I can add, just try to be grateful for what you have, and maximize it... you'd be surprise how special you really are.... I am for sure not the prettiest girl in the world but i feel like i'm the sexiest girl alive! :)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:47 PM  

  • Bravo Nadia! YP, if you can write what Nadia wrote... the exact same thing.. I am sure you do feel like the sexiest girl alive too!

    Tiara

    By Blogger TiaraLestari, at 5:28 PM  

  • Hi Tiara,

    This is the first time I speak out my mind in ur blog..the topic is really interesting..."How to love yourself?"

    Sometimes I dont understand why some people find it's difficult to love herself. Lack of confidence? negative input about themselves from their environments? or probably they just count "love themselves" based on appearance of someone that agreed by our society in general like: slim,tall,pretty face and so on?

    For whatever the reason. I just want to say that every God's creature is unique -just like lucia said.We all have our own strengths and weaknessess and we should be able to accept who we are and what we have. Knowing and understand deeply about who we trully are is a life-time self-learning. There was a time that I asked myself who I was and I wasnt really able to accept myself. But, I learned something by looking people around me like all my friends, relatives even people I saw on the streets. I also asked friends to tell me what they think about me honestly. I started to analyse what I have seen, heard looked from them and realised that I was blessed with what I have. At that point, I learned to accept myself...then learned to love myself much better.

    There is also another method that I used to get to know myself better -and definitely make me love myself even better :P ......Probably YP can try what I did. We call it "Open the gift from God".So, we see ourselves as a GIFT. To be able to do this "games" perfectly we need help from at least one person who knows us well/ quite well. What we should do is:
    1. Get a paper and a pen for each of you.
    2. Sit relax at any place that is not crowded yet peaceful like garden,forest,beach (outdoors)
    3. Ask your friend/s to write down at least 10 positive points about you based on her/his opinion honestly and write down also any negative ones she/he think you have.
    4. You do the same thing like in step 3 but this is based on your own opinion ...for some people it may be tough to write down your own positive points..it is because you dont want to look to show off/ reluctant or you just dont know/ havent realise it....anyway keep trying....try really hard...dont feel embarrased....YOU MUST FIND IT!!!! :D --> BE HONEST...BE TRUTH TO YOURSELF
    5. After both of you done, give your paper to her/him and also the opposite.
    6. Discuss about it with "cold head" and in a friendly way. Ask her/him about the answers she/he has about you...relate it with the situation/ what kind of circumtances that your positive/negative points occured. Discuss it point by point with explanation.

    YP may find out that you have "hidden talents" which I call strengths that you might not realised but people can see it in you. Start counting your gifts from God. Think...feel...and thank God for what have been given to you.

    Our society has been taught us to see something in negative way first rather the positive ones. Perhaps that is one of the reason for those who couldnt love themselves, moreover if themselves is lack of confident. So, YP or anyone who has this problem...start open your gift :)

    We can't love anyone well until we can love ourselves first (please dont think that while we still cant love ourselves we shouldnt love or stop love anyone)...dont get me wrong ok?

    Well, I think that is what I can share with all of you here.

    Love,
    Boobie

    PS: YP we can't satisfy everyone in this world so don't get stressed out...there is always plus and minus...count the plus only for yourself and be like "a deaf woman" for what your mom says. :D

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:47 AM  

  • OOps...sorry to say thanks to Tiara!! :P

    Luv u,
    Boobie

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:52 AM  

  • So sorry for late response. Thank you very much for Tiara, Lucia, Nadia, and boobie. It really meant a lot for me! It's been years, I'm struggling to love myself as I am. I'm getting better (by listening to my mum less, hehehe!). And I'll try to apply all of your advices and point of view of this matter, to make myself better. Once more time, thank you very much!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:39 AM  

  • You are very welcome YP! Anytime. Buy those sexy pants yet?

    Tiara

    By Blogger TiaraLestari, at 6:00 PM  

  • I was just passing by and got interested in the topic.
    Old topic, it turned out.. October 2005.
    But anyway, to everyone out there,
    I'd just like to share my experience.
    I always love my self when I make other people smile.
    So instead of getting stressed out in thinking of 'how to love myself' or 'what's to be loved about me',
    just share&show your love for other people. Starting from your family & friends.
    I love myself when I see my dad/mum/bro/sis smile at me.
    Just make them smile, so that you know that you're at least worth a smile to them. And that's PRICELESS.
    =)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:50 PM  

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